Give & Take

Having grown-up as an athlete, the older I got, the more my daily routine became consistent.

I ran every day. Sometimes twice a day. And during the summer months before camps, I ran 3 times daily—at break of dawn, at high noon, and at dusk. My diet was simple; no sodas, no junk foods—we never had much of these things in our house at that time anyway, so avoiding them was not difficult.

When I got to college, like most of us, I over-compensated for all of it—all of the things that I did not have, or do, until I found a balance of sorts. It took me slightly more than a year or so before I could find my balance, but I eventually did.

One of the greatest challenges for me during that period was to try and understand the many different kinds of people that I interacted with daily. I met some of the greatest people in the world; my ankles were taped daily by a man who had our track and field stadium named after him. And to get to my dorm room from our training table, I would take a short-cut through our basketball arena that was named after another man who had lunch with me and welcomed me to the university on my first day there.

I had some of the greatest teammates in the world. My classmates excelled at educating themselves and helping me along the way. My professors were all incredible teachers. Sure...I could run, lift weights, practice, watch film, etc.—but there was already a sense of familiarity with these kinds of "rituals."

It was the "new" people I would be surrounded by, and their personalities, and trying to understand them, which gave me the most difficulty as I grew.

I came from Long Island, New York. To me, it was a much smaller world because of my own familiarity with it and its people. This was not the case when I got to college. I was in a much wider world than what I had ever known. And for a period of time, I was very tripid and confused about the people around me.

Out of necessity, and almost daily, I interacted with those whom I thought were mean, grumpy people who were actually very nice and kind-hearted, and would do anything for you, once you got beneath those layers of grumpiness and got to know them better. I also interacted with people who I thought were nice, good people, who turned out to be the closest thing to the Antichrist ever known to man.

As athletes, our friendship and loyalty streaks tend to be a bit stronger than the average person's due to our natural growth through athletics and our training. So, it became increasingly important that we surrounded ourselves with good people as a matter of self-preservation and growth. I never did see myself as a judgemental kind of person, but when you interact with people (most of the time) you never forget the experiences you've had with them. Over time, you may experience their true nature through the relationship you share with them, good or bad. And this tends to shape your memory of them and whatever memorable experiences you've shared.

Now, as a coach, my perspective on people and personal relationships, from an athletic perspective, is somewhat simplified for the athlete; there will be only two types of people who come into purview: The Givers and the Takers.

There will be people in your life—people that you interact with regularly—who will either give, or they will take. Don't judge them but understand them and their relationship with you. When you interact, try to listen closely to understand which one of the two you are dealing with on a persistent basis and learn why. It is this knowledge that can allow you to make their lives better, which is always the end goal.